


Soft Whisper, Pretty Lies (Chapter 9 from R&R)

by cardans_tail



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alternate Ending - Ruin and Rising, Darklina - Freeform, F/M, Lovers To Enemies, Mates, One Shot, Ruin and Rising, Sad, Soulmates, The Darkling - Freeform, True Mates, darklina supremacy, grisha - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:21:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28782615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cardans_tail/pseuds/cardans_tail
Summary: I wish I didn't, I wish I didn't feel anything for him. I wish I could pretend his arms did not tempt me, his gaze didn't pierce deep into my very soul, his lips didn't whisper softly words to me, as if he was always telling me a secret, opening up to me in a way he never did with anyone else. But I wished for many things.Chapter 9 from Ruin and Rising. Alina visits the Darkling as a vision and he tells her his real name. This is my own version of how the chapter could have been.#darklina
Relationships: Darklina, Nikolai Lantsov & Alina Starkov, The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Nikolai Lantsov/Alina Starkov
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	Soft Whisper, Pretty Lies (Chapter 9 from R&R)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my own version of Chapter 9 from Ruin and Rising. If there’s any mistake, I apologize. English is not my first language and I’m still trying to get used to writing in English so please feel free to comment what you thought about this one shot and to comment if there was any mistake so that I can correct it and learn. Thank you for reading!

Suddenly, I wake up and I’m not in my room anymore. No. I’m standing in front of the Darkling. He is partly reclined on his desk, his hands slightly behind him, supporting him. And I swear, because regardless of everything he’s done, of the people he's killed, of the people who have suffered because of him; he still takes my breath away. Every. Time. He still makes me want to bury in his arms, feel his strong heartbeat, sense his scent and press her lips to his. Feel every bit of him, because I was sure it would never be enough. This connection between us would never make it enough.

I wish I didn't, I wish I didn't feel anything for him. I wish I could pretend his arms did not tempt me, his gaze didn't pierce deep into my very soul, his lips didn't whisper softly words to me, as if he was always telling me a secret, opening up to me in a way he never did with anyone else. But I wished for many things. I didn't use to be like that, but my life had changed a lot since the moment the world -and myself- discovered I was Grisha. And the Darkling was one of the things I wished for the most. I also wish I could say he had been the one to turn me into a greedy person, but he hadn't. I had.

He was looking at me, he always was. Always had been. Ever since the moment I entered his camp almost a year ago. He had always noticed me, even if he hadn't known if I truly was the Sun Summoner he had been waiting for centuries. His whole life. And that was one of the things that hurt me the most, the knowledge that he had always looked at me. Truly, deeply and irrevocably. He had looked at me and seen what I could be, what I would be and he had wanted me. Desired me. Waited for me. Wished for me. When no one else had. And maybe that had been one of the reasons why I had felt so attracted to him, even when I had believed him a monster. Maybe that was one of the reasons why I was still attracted to him, even if I now knew he is a real monster. Because despite everything I had done against him, what I was going to do against him, he still looked at me and wanted me. 

We had been borned to be with each other, I was supposed to be his equal and balance, his companion, the comforting company he had been dreaming about his entire life. We were connected. Souls made to exist for the other, to be with the other, to touch, feel, and love the other. And a part of me, a part I tried to ignore, a part I tried to pretend that didn't exist, actually wanted that future with him. It wasn’t just his handsomeness, or his confidence, or the way he spoke and walked, it wasn’t even our connection; it was just him. Bare and entirely him. I wanted him and wanted to be with him. And that's exactly why I was still trying to have mercy on him, to take him away from that edge he was desperately trying to cross. Because once he crossed it, there wouldn’t be a boy to rescue. Only a monster that deserved death.

“Finally here, Alina”. He said, and every part of my body felt it. 

“Were you waiting for a long time? Good”. A response I didn't completely mean. The idea of him waiting for me to come to him was not new to me and it did feel a little bit good but a small part of me had wanted to come to him too so there wasn’t much satisfaction to feel. 

“I've heard you are scheming with that prince. Has he claimed you already?”. His voice had turned a bit cold, almost as if he couldn't hide his feelings. And I could imagine what he was thinking, what was going through his mind that didn’t enable him to hide the spark of bitterness in his voice. 

“Claim me? I’m not an object or an animal, regardless of what you think”. I could still feel Nikolai’s emerald on my hand, where my body truly was. 

“You know very well I do not consider you an object or an animal, Alina. You are much more than that, destined for much more”. There it was again, sweet words to my ears. He had also been the first person to expect something from me and to be sure I would be able to make it. 

He had believed in myself, he had been so confident of it. And it had shaken my heart, that little orphan girl’s heart. 

“You are right, I'm just a prisoner to you. A slave”. The necklace that I wore was just a proof of that. 

“No, Alina. You are not”. He said and I could feel his discomfort and anger in my bones. What was real and what was a lie with him? He was such a good actor. He was so good he always seemed to be the only real thing in this world to me. 

“Do not toy with me, not anymore”. But I was tired of trying to see through his lies. I was tired of lies. His lies.

“I'm not toying with you and I never was”. So real, the emotions on his face, on his voice seemed so real. I could almost swear he was pained by my words, my assumptions. 

“Stop lying. You tricked me, seduced me and played me like a fool. You only wanted to use me for your own benefits”. We both knew that was true and it hurt more than it should. But the Darkling had that effect on me. 

“My own benefits? I needed you to trust me, Alina. I needed you to believe in me, to not be afraid of me. I needed to know I had more than just your loyalty. And I did it all for us, for people like us. I did it for every Grisha who had to run away from their town because their neighbours were afraid of them. I did it for every fallen sloldier in this stupid war. And I will do what I have to do in order to achieve my goal, Alina”. 

I stayed silent, there were many things I wanted to say, to scream at him. But I knew he loved Ravka, I knew that he wanted a world with no war, a war with so much more than just soldiers going to their doom. But he was wrong, this was not the way. And it would never be. Tears were beginning to blur my sight but I refused to cry in front of him. I was mad, I was sad, I wanted him dead and I wanted him with me. And the indecision, these mixed feelings were burning inside of me. 

He left out a sight and my gaze found his. His expression was hard to decipher. Was it agony in his eyes? Rage? Jealousy? Pain?. He looked so much like a boy and yet nothing like one. 

“Tell me, that night you escaped and decided to betray me. Did you ever hesitate?”. Was this what he wanted to know? 

“I did”. There was no point in lying. 

“When you were looking for the stag, did you ever think about coming back to me?”. 

“Yes”. I had; more times than what I would like to admit. 

“And yet you still chose that tracker. You chose him, even though he will never understand you, even though he will be afraid of you in the future, if he isn’t already”.

I tried not to show how true what he was saying was. And how much it affected me. Mal’s face when I had revealed to him some of my secrets about my power and its consequences was still too fresh on my mind. 

I stood silent in responde and he took my wrist with one of his hands. I tried to shove him off but his grip on me was strong. He moved me so that I was standing in front of him, my hips between his knees. His gaze locked on mine, never leaving me. He used his other hand to trace patterns on my forearm, then he kept moving his hand until he was touching my shoulder. He kept his hand hard on one of my wrists but I wasn’t fighting him anymore. His hand on my shoulder moved to my neck, I thought he would try to touch my necklace but he rested his hand on the space between my jawline and my collar instead. He left it there for some minutes, we were both silent. Our breaths the only sound in the room. Our eyes looking straight into the other’s. I wanted this. I wanted to be like this with him. And I knew he wanted it too. Our connection was too strong. Our attraction to each other was even worse. 

“I want to tell you my name, Alina”. He whispered. There was a wide space between his mouth and mine but I could swear I felt every word he said, as if he had tattooed them on my skin with his own lips. I was more than just surprised. 

“Tell me, then”. I didn’t want to admit how curious I felt, how much it meant to me that I was going to be, probably, the only person apart from Baghra to know it. 

A faint smile appeared on his face, he leaned closer to me. He was so close I could feel his breath on my ear, the beat of his heart and the muscle of his chest. And then he said it. “Aleksander”.

I couldn’t contain the laugh that came out of my mouth. He leaned back to look at my face but we were still so close to one another. One of his eyebrows shot upward, but he was faintly smiling too. “It’s so...common”. I had known plenty of Aleksanders in my life, it was quite a frequent name in Ravka. So different from the Darkling. And I liked it more because of that. 

“Say it”. He said. No. He begged. I never thought I would ever hear him begging but he was. And I couldn’t help but imagine what it must have been like for him, to fake his death so many times, to pretend to be someone he wasn’t, to have lived so many lives but never his real one. Such a simple thing like his name, to hear it coming from someone else’s lip must mean so much to him. 

“Aleksander”. I whispered. His eyes were shining. He cupped my cheek with the hand he had used to grab my wrist and rubbed his thumb on my check. Softly, so softly. It was such an intimate and adoring action. He used his other hand to bring me closer to him, until our faces were almost touching. Our breaths were entangled, once again the only sound in this room. 

“Say it again”. He was begging again. His thumb still rubbing my cheek, his other hand had moved to my hip and he was looking at me as if I truly was the only light in his life. 

I swallowed before speaking again. “Aleksander”. He made a sound, something between a satisfying groan and a sight. My skin was alive, every part of my body was. It was always like that when he was around, whenever we touched but it was different this time. It was stronger, wilder. 

And I knew, right at that moment, that I could not kill him. I just couldn’t. Because I loved him. And I knew he was a monster, I knew he had done terrible things but I still loved him and I wanted him to find his redemption. I knew he was only doing all of this to create a better world but maybe I could convince him to stop all of this. To make him see how different things could be with Nikolai on the throne, if he stopped all of this and we all worked together to change the world for the better; with other and less violent methods. Maybe. 

I brought my hands to his face and leaned onto him so that our foreheads were touching. “Aleksander, please stop all of this. I can’t keep on going like this. Please. I don’t want this”. I don’t want you dead and I don’t want to be the one to kill you because we both know that I’m the only one who can do it. I didn’t say it but I knew he understood. 

“Why?”. He asked. 

I sobbed, I had started crying. It was too much. It was all too much. 

“Why?”. He demanded. 

“Because I love you”. I whispered, so low that I wondered if he had actually heard me. I knew he had the moment his whole body tensed and he dropped his hands from my body. He suddenly stood and I forced myself to step back. He turned around so that he was not facing me anymore, both of his hands were on his desk and he had leaned onto them as if they were the only thing keeping him standing. 

He then stood straight and turned his face to look at me. A sob escaped my lips and I had to bring my hands to cover my mouth to prevent myself from sobbing again. I looked into his eyes and saw no traze of the boy I had seen glimpses of. Nothing. Whatever he felt for me, whatever there was between us was not enough for him to end this war. He broke our connection and our vision. I was once again in my room, on my bed, still holding Nikolai’s ring. 

I got off bed and strode to the door. I was glad the Darkling hadn’t corresponded with my feelings. He had given me the strength I needed to end this war. Because I would kill him, and then I would marry Nikolai. And I would be a Queen.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my own version of Chapter 9 from Ruin and Rising. If there’s any mistake, I apologize. English is not my first language and I’m still trying to get used to writing in English so please feel free to comment what you thought about this one shot and to comment if there was any mistake so that I can correct it and learn. Thank you for reading!


End file.
